Does a happy ever after exist? Will my parents ever let me marry him? Or should I just break up with him as we have no future?
We all deserve the right to decide who we want to marry and spend the rest of our lives with. In Asian families it’s known to be a bit tricky and most Asian parents have already got that someone special in mind who they think would be ideally suited to their son or daughter.
Whether it is a love marriage or an arranged marriage, the union will not flourish unless there is mutual understanding, mutual respect and love between husband and wife. So the importance is not the style of marriage, but style of attitude and thinking.
I am a young professional Asian woman. I have been with my partner for over a year now and looking to spend the rest of my life with him. But things weren’t always this simple. When I was younger my mum and dad wanted my sisters and I to all have arranged marriages. As we got older, the issue of marriage got more serious as my mum started the hunt for a life partner for all of us. My parents would never force us, instead always giving us the decision to choose if we liked him or not. I, on the other hand, was never really serious about getting an arranged marriage. After all, how can you marry someone you have only spoken to for five minutes? How can you be expected to live with him when you don’t know anything about him?
Many came and many went, and I refused them all. I always had an excuse to hand: ‘Mum I don’t like this about him, I don’t like that about him’ and so on, but my mother just kept lining them up.
Then one day as I was having dinner with my mum the same old subject of marriage came up. However, this time it was different. She asked, ‘Do you have anyone in mind?’ and knowing this was my only opportunity, I jumped at the chance to give her a truthful answer. Before I could stop myself ‘yes’ had slipped through my lips, and I found myself ranting on about my partner or should I say ‘friend’ (as Asian parents would never allow you to have a boyfriend). My mum was over the moon, professing the urge to meet him. I was surprised and shocked, having never thought my parents would agree to my choice in partner.
Now a year on I am happily engaged and due to be getting married later this year. I am glad I had the courage to tell my parents about him. If I hadn’t then my life wouldn’t be the way it is just now.
To this day when we walk down the street together Asian women walking by do frown at us; but what they don’t understand is that the love we have for each other isn’t just for the day, or the week, it’s forever.
So fight for your love and don’t be under the illusion your parents won’t agree. Don’t say to yourself ‘I might as well break up with him’. Instead sit down with your parents and speak to them, ask for a chance. Let them meet your partner before making any decision. After all, it is a decision you will have to live with for the rest of your life – you don’t want to have any regrets.
His view
For myself as a Muslim guy, I come from a family whose attitude is pretty laid back. All they want is for me to be happy. My mum and dad both said to me when I was a small boy that my future wife could be white, black, Chinese, from any background so long as she accepts Islam they would be 100% behind me. So for me, telling my parents was a happy moment. I felt amazing telling them and they appreciated my honesty, accepting the fact I had a girlfriend and asked to meet her. My parents ask about her on a daily basis, and my mum and her talk to each other regularly. Now looking back, neither of us would change a thing.
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